Wednesday, October 27, 2004

Weird. Was lying in bed and for no apparant reason, starting reminiscing about the days where i worked in Mac Donalds in secondary 2. It was prolly one of most memorable periods of my life. It was then when i remembered her, and how much i still missed her.
No, this is not gonna turn out to be some soppy love story alright? Pfft.
There was this girl, Cassandra. When i first saw her my heart raced like any other hot blooded youngster. But she was around 2 years my senior, waaay outta my league. Those days i wouldnt even dare to speak to girls my age with intentions of asking them out heh. As the days went by where we worked i eventually warmed up to her and she asked me to be her god brother. Thinking that it would be kinda fun, i agreed. She often took me out for supper after out night shifts and sent me home. Also, 25th December 1998, i had the first logcake in my life for my christmas! We just sat outside the old world trade mac donalds by the sea with teh logcake and soggy bee hoon. We messed around with the cream, obeying the universal law that cream MUST go on someones nose before we proceeded inside to help the mid night shift people.
She is also the first person i tasted ikea irish meatballs with hur hur.
Sadly, as i left my workplace we broke off contact. When i returned a month later, i learnt that she has resigned too. Didnt have a handphone then, but we had each others emails.
Then i changed email and lost my contacts. The following christmas, she went back with a gift for me, passing it to 2 people who lived near my house. But the bastards decided to keep it for themselves.

Been trying to contact her for 4 years now with no success at all. I miss her oh so terribly. I do wish our paths in life will cross again...

Saturday, October 16, 2004

Reflections. What is it about a wound so deep that it still feels so painful after so long? The memories are still so clear, as if it only happened yesterday. Contradictions. The trying times that i got carried along, the crazy times, and yet it seems so hard to just forget and move on. Memories can sometimes be such a curse, maybe it would be great to just lose my memory and carry on with life. Its like a cut that gets torn open again and again in a merciless and relentless cycle. The places we used to go, i can almost visualise the conversations, the antics, as if a reel is running in my head. What we do not know cant hurt us. Maybe there is bliss in ignorance after all.

I ran across a man on the streets, he appeared to be talking to the air in particular. Interest pigued i went up to him. " Good day sir! To whom are you speaking to?" He walked by me as if i was just a dream. Not giving up i fell into his footsteps and heard what he has to say.

" Raine, the place you have gone seems so far away,
The seat you filled, your place in bed,
It all seems so cold now. Its ok though,
I have found a new partner now, she is so much like you.
Just yesterday, we went fishing by the lake,
Its just like in the past, we would roll up our pants,
With our feets in the water, just me and you.
The fish we didnt catch, it never mattered.
I had you and you had me.
We plan on climbing that mountain again,
The climb you made me do, just to prove that nothing is impossible.
When i thought that it was the end,
You dragged and carried me though paths i never saw.
Raine oh Raine how i relied on you!
But its all ok now, I have my new partner.
We are going to the movies and fine restaurants like we used to.
I can forget you now. You have left me when you said you would never.
But fate has snatched you from me. Its alright though,
I have her and she has me."

I watched the man fade into the distance alone. With a gap in the soul that will never fill.

Wednesday, October 06, 2004

Injustice. If anything, this world reeks of it. There will always be injustice, its a matter of personal perception. If something does not go according to your wishes you view it as an injustice. So im just gonna be a selfish ass today and talk about injustice from my point of view.

Well, if being ruled and bossed around by some pompous ass around my age aint injustice, i dont know what it is. I mean, WTF? these people prolly are as clueless aboput life and stuff as we are, and yet, here they are ruling over the lives of their fellow lowly denizens in the circle of life.

Here i am, sitting in the office flaming away at my army superiors just cuz they gave me a chance to. Aint it grand? heh. I got sidelined from the exercise due to the fucking uselessness of my sergeant and i got branded as a "gengster" because of that?. Helo? reality check? i didnt fall off the god damned tonner by my own will. so yeah, fuck you lt alan. I am the only atten B made to sit in the fucking office during "office hours" because its the fucking "regulations"? How about those other attn Bs who aint done a dipshit and stayed in camp since the first day? i spent the fucking morning doing your mundane uselss shitwork mind you. Go get run over by a wild boar. Pfft

/rant off