Sunday, November 30, 2003

eLeanore: haha maybe he bore the grudge for 16 years thats why we never got along
Denewbie: haha i hink u both did la
Denewbie: dont u
Denewbie: haha we all quarrel with our parebts at times dont we
eLeanore: i hated him for what he did
Denewbie: i hated some pple for wat they did wat they did to me too
eLeanore: and i still hate him
Denewbie: then one day GOd asked me
Denewbie: Y do u hate me?

Why do you hate me ... why do you hate me why do you hate me why do you hate me why do you hate me...

Was a chat with a friend online, i became a cynic i became disillusionzed with life. Melancholy became my way of life. The 5 words resonated in my head, and this song came into my head..

When the music fades all is stripped away
And I simply come
Longing just to bring something that’s of worth
That will bless Your heart

I’ll bring You more than a song for a song in itself
Is not what You have required
You search much deeper within
Through the way things appear
You’re looking into my heart

I’m coming back to the heart of worship
And it’s all about You
It’s all about You, Jesus
I’m sorry, Lord, for the thing I’ve made it
And it’s all about You
It’s all about You, Jesus

King of endless worth no one could express
How much You deserve
Though I’m weak and poor
All I have is Yours, every single breath



I am sorry Lord, for i have lost my way, guide my path and hold my hand, i dont want to return to my world of anguish and pain. Help me Lord, uphold me, be my shield and be my strength, i know my weaknesses and i fear, i dont want to be lost again...
Amen.

Saturday, November 29, 2003

The limping past of the hollow winds,
Memories it carries, tears it dries.
I see the deceit behind the smiles,
I do not want to believe,
I do not want to think.
I remember the times of the past,
The chases of the fair,
The exuburence of youth yonder.
I saw the different paths,
Yet i see the same destination.
And yet i couldnt see,
See past the facade that it is.
The pieces do not match,
It does not fit.
I do not want to believe,
I do not want to think.
Disillusioned, broken and weary.
Do we really only live to die?


I hear the rhythm of the world throbbing,
It is neverending, never slowing.
The pulse it carries in your blood,
The sense of wanderlust it brings.

I walked the lands of the earth,
Its lustous and seductive splendor draws me.
The whispers of the passing wind,
The secrets of the earth it brings.

I saw the passing of time,
Its relentless march forward.
The herald of good news,
The harbinger of anarchy.

I tasted the rage of bloodlust,
Its encompassing insanity and blind fury,
The roar of battle rage,
The arid stench of pestilence that trails.

I felt the presence of death,
Its caress draws me into its folds.
The inescapable truth of the universe,
The ineventuality of life.

There's always this little girl,
hoping to spend every precious moment in this lovely cottage with the one she loves,
The twinkling of the distant stars,
smeared across the heavens like diamonddust,
watching her embraced in his arms.
The winds encompasses them strolling down the beach, with waves encircling their warm embrace.
The sunsets and the sunrises,
lost under their watchful gaze
If only life could fulfill the wishes of this simple little girl.

Friday, November 28, 2003

Days, unnumbered, seem so grey.
Nights are painted blue.
The canvas of my life displays
Such loneliness without you.

Wasted strokes and countless thoughts
Splash across my heart,
Like a careless artist mixing paint
For an abstract work of art.

No patterns of brilliance or beauty, fair,
No lustrous shades of youth...
But only a color which I have named
"Clashing, Inescapable Truth".



What am I?
Who am I?
I am Eric.

Im Eric,
One of many potentialities.
Out of infinity.

I am me,
But at the same time,
I am what others perceive to me to be.

Im Eric,
One of many potentialities.
Out of infinity.

I am what the world made me,
My thoughts,
Sculptured and refined by people.

I am what people perceive me to be.

Im Eric,
Yet im also the Eric of others
The many sides of me making me.

Identity,
What is identity?
I am just me out of the many "me's" i could have been.

Identity,
When one loses it,
What does one become?

Existance,
The meaning of life.
Do we live only to die?

Identity,
What is an existence without it.
Is it possible to exist without an identity.

Existence,
The result of potentiality
With emptiness there must lie potentiality.

Potentiality,
It exists where there is no existence.
It lies asleep, always waiting to awaken.


Without identity one cannot exist, without existance lies potentiality. Lose your "self" and your limits has no boundary.


Im Eric,
Out of many potentialities.
Out of infinity.


Days go by, time flys past.
Shadows of memories, of winterscape
Deep within me bears a chill,
Filled with deep sad songs of the hill.

I walked a road of decadence,
I see the antropy of men,
of fickle hearts, of lonely tears
Fralities of man revealed

Lives of other men,
Mirrors the silent tenderness
Of wounds unhealed and injuries unforgotten.
Of love lost and of betrayals, man continues to dream.

Broken pieces, shattered dreams,
The coldness of the soul within.
The spark long gone, the spirit long dead
Until that moment drew.

Passing by on a summer breeze,
Silent and invisible,
Warm like a mothers womb,
A haven of serenity it brings.

Time does not heal everything,
but with it chances bring.
It brings hope and faith into being
With it life is breathed

The ice of the soul melts,
With it comes the fountain of life,
The glitter of spring arrived.
The joy of life relived.